What Trevor Noah and Simon Sinek Reminded Me About Friendship (10 questions you can ask)

Earlier today, I sat down to watch a podcast interview featuring a good friend. But just before it began, I was side-tracked by an image showing a conversation between Trevor Noah and Simon Sinek. Our of curiosity, I clicked on that interview. Within the first two minutes, they were deep into a discussion about friendship, and something they said stopped me in my tracks:

We’re not taught how to be a friend.

I hit pause immediately. I haven’t even finished either interview (yet), but I had to write this post.

I got excited by the prospect of marrying Appreciative Inquiry questions with friendship. We learn how to network, how to date, how to work on teams but, as Simon indicated, rarely are we taught how to show up in friendship. And yet friendship is one of the most intimate, grounding and life-giving relationships we can have. It deserves more than a passing effort.

Of course I know, Appreciative Inquiry can help.

It can help us become better friends. It can help us find meaningful friendships. It can even help us repair friendships that may have frayed.

How? We start with questions. Real questions, curious questions, caring questions. We listen with our full selves. We stay open to being surprised by what we learn.

Listening is the foundation of friendship.

Ten Questions to Help Start a Friendship

Here are ten questions, rooted in Appreciative Inquiry, that can open the door to genuine connection:

1. What’s something small that brought you joy this week?

2. When do you feel most like yourself?

3. What’s a strength others see in you that you’re learning to embrace?

4. What does feeling at home mean to you?

5. What’s a memory that makes you smile, no matter how much time has passed?

6. Who in your life makes you feel seen, heard and understood?

7. What are you currently curious about?

8. What kind of support means the most to you when you're going through something hard?

9. What do you value most in a friend?

10. What’s a hope you’re quietly holding for the year ahead?

These aren’t icebreakers. They’re invitations to listen, to share and to build trust, one story at a time.

So no, maybe we’re not formally taught how to be friends. But we can learn. We can practice. And we can choose to show up with intention, presence and a willingness to listen.

I’ll go back and finish the interviews. But for now, this moment, and this reminder, feels like what I needed.

Please share questions you may have asked to deepen a friendship. Email me at aderonke@abwilsonconsulting.com 

Now, I'm going to return to watch the rest of the conversation with Trevor and Simon. You can find it here.