Kindness

“In a world where you can be anything, be kind.”

I must add to that thought.

Kindness costs nothing, but it can change everything. It can ease tension in a hard moment. It can soften a difficult situation. It can make a difference for someone who is tired, overwhelmed or simply trying to get through their day.

Kindness is not soft. It is not passive. It is a decision. Sometimes it’s an easy decision. Sometimes it’s a decision I make on purpose.

When I think about kindness, I think about at least two directions it can go, outward and inward. The kindness we extend to others and the kindness we extend to ourselves.

Most kindness isn’t planned. The need for it usually shows up in real time. We notice someone needs something, and we choose to respond.

Kindness can be as simple as letting a car out when the traffic is tight. It can look like patience with someone who needs a little extra time. It can be a gentle touch on the arm to say, ‘I see you.’

And here’s something I’ve noticed, I don’t always remember the kindness I’ve extended but I remember the kindness that has been given to me. I remember the feeling I had.

Lasting impact

Last year, I was in the grocery store picking up a couple of breakfast items. I wasn’t paying attention, probably running through my day in my head. I put my two items on the conveyor belt and waited for the woman in front of me to finish checking out.

I didn’t realize the cashier had scanned my items until it was done. I stepped forward and said, “I’m sorry, those are mine.”

The customer turned to me and said, “I know. I asked her to add them to my bill. They’re my treat to you.”

I paused. I looked at her for a few seconds just to make sure I heard her correctly. When I realized she had deliberately paid for my breakfast, I started thanking her. I asked her name. I asked why.

She told me she likes to brighten people’s day with unexpected kindness and that it’s something she does regularly.

Of course, I took a quick selfie with her, and I told everyone I saw that day. That small act stayed with me. I still see her from time to time and every time I do, I’m reminded that kindness has a ripple effect. It can change a person’s day. Sometimes it shifts more than that.

Being kind to yourself

The second type of kindness is self-kindness.

How gentle are we with ourselves when we make a mistake? How quickly do we judge ourselves when something doesn’t go as planned? How often do we extend grace to ourselves the way we extend it to other people?

Sometimes we need our own version of that gentle touch on the arm. A quiet reminder: you matter. You’re human. You will be okay.

What I’m practicing this month

This month kindness is a theme, I want it to be a practice.

Here are a few ways I’m trying to live it in real time:

• I’m practicing being fully present with people, even if it’s only for a short moment;

• I’m practicing slowing down enough to notice who might need a little extra patience, including me; and

• I’m practicing kinder self-talk, especially when I make a mistake.

Kindness does not need an audience but it creates impact. It changes how we speak. It changes what we assume about one another. It changes what becomes possible in a room, at home, at work and in community.

Three questions to explore kindness

1. Think of a time you experienced unexpected kindness. What did the person do and what did it make possible for you in that moment?

2. When are you at your kindest? What conditions help you show up with patience, generosity and care?

3. If kindness became a daily practice in your life, what is one small behaviour you would repeat consistently and who would benefit most from it?

 

An invitation

This month, do one intentional act of kindness each day. Keep it small and real. A message. A pause. A thank you. A little patience. A little warmth.

Please remember to include yourself in that kindness.

If you feel like sharing, tell me about a kindness you extended,or one that was extended to you. I’d love to hear about it. Drop me an email: aderonke@abwilsonconsulting.com