Belonging
The opposite of loneliness and isolation is belonging. Belonging looks different to each of us and we can belong in several spaces at the same time.
I was recently in London and my younger brother happened to be there at the same time. Our scheduled aligned so we were able to spend a day together walking, laughing, talking and making time to visit a gravely ill family friend.
As we explored the city where we lived as teenagers and where my brother later spent much of his adulthood we reminisced, as we often do, about our lives in London.
While we were walking, I noticed he would periodically greet someone coming in the opposite direction. After about the fourth person, I asked, “How do you know all these people?”
He replied, “They’re Arsenal fans.”
For those who may not be familiar with English football (soccer), Arsenal is a huge club with passionate and loyal supporters. As I questioned him further, he explained that when Arsenal fans recognize one another on the street, one may say, “Gooner,” and the other replies in kind.
I am clearly not an Arsenal fan, so I had no idea this type of connection was happening around me. A football club had created a community to which many people belong. They proudly wear their support on their clothing and warmly acknowledge one another on the streets of London (and probably elsewhere in the world).
Belonging can be as simple as being seen by someone who recognizes something you share.
Another type of belonging I embrace is family. Families often give us our earliest understanding of what it means to belong. At their best, families create identity, connection and a sense of being part of something that stretches across generations.
However, family belonging is not the same for everyone. Some people feel they have little in common with their relatives and experience family gatherings as outsiders. Others create chosen families, relationships built around shared values, mutual care and a closer understanding of what meaningful connection looks like.
Belonging is also important in the workplace. When people feel welcomed, valued and included, they are more likely to contribute, collaborate and support one another. A sense of
belonging helps to create stronger teams and workplaces where people can do their best work.
Former US Surgeon General Dr Vivek Murthy has compared the health effects associated with loneliness and social isolation to smoking as many as 15 cigarettes a day. The comparison reminds us that connection is not simply something that is nice to have. It matters to our physical, emotional and social wellbeing.
As my friend Charmaine Wright Orr said during a conversation about loneliness and isolation, “Lonely people go to work.”
That simple statement is worth remembering. We do not always know what the people around us are carrying. Wherever we are in public spaces, within our families, among friends or at work, we can find small ways to acknowledge others and help create connection.
Sometimes belonging begins with a shared interest, a familiar greeting, an invitation to join in or the simple experience of being noticed and acknowledged.
I would love to hear where you feel the strongest sense of connection and belonging. Send me an email: aderonke@abwilsonconsulting.com
Questions for reflection
Think of a time when you felt a strong sense of belonging. What helped to create that feeling?
Where in your life do you feel most seen, valued and accepted?
What is one small thing you can do to help someone else feel that they belong?
I've written about belonging and connection in other posts on this website, when you have time :
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